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December 13, 2012
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I know that you're broken,
And all your pieces are scattered,
I know that you're bruised,
And your pale skin is battered.

I can see the scars,
That you're trying to hide,
And I can see the hurt,
Burried beneath your pride.

You're barely holding together,
Your tattered, fraying threads,
The harder you try to keep it in,
The more the hole spreads.

Stop trying to battle alone,
When I'm here with sword in hand,
I can help you pick up the pieces,
There'll be nothing we can't withstand.

Don't give up the fight,
My friend who is so fragile,
Take my hand and let me hold you,
Let me love you for a while.

You think that it's not worth it,
And just want to give in,
So you run the blade down your arm,
Breaking your heavenly skin.

I wish that I could show you,
How much you mean to me,
But you just push me away,
And wallow in your debris.

Why can't you see what I see?
I think that you're amazing,
I love your scars, and your wounds,
And your eyes that are always blazing.

I am giving you my all,
So don't leave me alone,
I'm begging you to fight for me,
Follow me into the unknown.

Don't give up the fight,
My friend who is so fragile,
Take my hand and let me hold you,
Let me love you for a while.

Written by Liezyl Steyn
This is written to all those people who think that they have nothing to live for...just remember, that love is always worth living for :heart:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmarianaerwin555:
Hello, *VonDiezyl.

The description of this poem really fits. It is really for the people who don't have hope but they don't realize there is, and they can't just find it. The reader encourages his/her friend to realize there is still hope in his/her friend's problem.

The reader encourages him/her not to commit suicide as it just breaks his/her life. Even if he/she looks fragile and must be carried with care, he/she shall not break because of his/her weakness.

The poem has a very sad emotion while the reader tells his/her friend not to take his/her life because of a very bad problem and the more he/she hides the more he/she will have greater chances.

As what the poem says, it is not right to leave friends when they say they are depressed and want to commit suicide.

I hope you have another poem and I hope it will be in a good quality.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconhyakki-hikou:
This piece is so moving and captivating! The standard every other rhyme is very effective, and the words choice is phenominal. I also love the fact that you rpeated third verse as the last one, it concluded the peom very well. This is one of those poems that can be a long one, becasue it proficiently flows along. I also like the fact that you added no suurounding adjectives, so the reader can imagine whatever they feel is appropiate. It also conects to many people, even those who think they fall under this catagory are moved. I know I am loved, yet I was still touched by your words. A very well-written verse. Keep it up.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:icondeviantinterested:
Deviantinterested Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014   General Artist
Very nicely and delicately written.
I feel the pang of emotions for wanting so much to reach out, even though the stretching hurts being pushed further and further away, but still the love is there to give anyway.
beautiful piece. :hug:
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow thank you so so much <33
Reply
:icondeviantinterested:
Deviantinterested Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014   General Artist
:-) Is a good piece. ;-) :hug:
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm glad you think so :3
Reply
:iconeastan11:
eastan11 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Waaaah! This brought tears to my eyes! Very nicely done!!
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aww thank you ♡
Reply
:iconeastan11:
eastan11 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't metion it! Hug 
Reply
:iconpoptartjam:
Poptartjam Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You have no idea how much this fits my girlfriend o-o I'm going to show her this sometime. And very good job on it!
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you so much! p.s can I note you? It's urgent
Reply
:iconpoptartjam:
Poptartjam Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Of course! And, go ahead. You don't have to ask me
Reply
:iconsurvivingextinction:
SurvivingExtinction Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're so good at getting to the point. Love is always worth fighting for. :D
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aww thanks :,D
Reply
:iconsurvivingextinction:
SurvivingExtinction Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Most welcome. :)
Reply
:iconrsiphotography:
rsiphotography Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Professional General Artist
Excellent work. The truth is when you are tempted to give up(and understand it is a real temptation coming from darkness) you are usually very close to a breakthrough or something very special. It is is true when the going gets tough the tough get going...they don't surrender to defeat. Is this hard? YES!!! it is but twll yourself this truth the next time you are tempted to quit and see if what I am saying true. I have more times than I can count and each time I find this to be true and sometimes huge break through and I have to stop and ponder "what if I would have given up?"
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I agree with you :)
Reply
:iconstormshadow86:
StormShadow86 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014
Wow, this was amazing. Strong , thoughtfull and warm. I feelt tears running down my cheeks. Ive been down that dark path, and manged to crawl out of the dark cave.  Looking forward to more of you work. 
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That means so much to me, I'm so glad that you think so <33
Reply
:iconstormshadow86:
StormShadow86 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014
I respect someone who can stand for for being diffrent and honor those who dont fit the profile socity demands of them. Im honored to support and to know such a person in you
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow thank you so much, that truly means so much to me :heart:
Reply
:iconawesomenessbringdr:
awesomenessbringdr Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014
I can never make something that sounds so emotional and epic while making it lyrical :/
You have a true gift and a true heart <3
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aww thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconawesomenessbringdr:
awesomenessbringdr Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014
No problem c:
Reply
:iconveska3if:
Veska3if Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013
beautiful :3
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*u*
Reply
:iconask-apple-bloom:
Ask-Apple-Bloom Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student General Artist
I just need my sister to hug me, not asking questions about my tears, just hold me tight.















Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awww ;n; I know what you mean though ~ I'd rather someone not ask me what's wrong, and instead just be there for me :heart:
Reply
:iconask-apple-bloom:
Ask-Apple-Bloom Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student General Artist
Yeah. It hurts sometimes.. To be embarrassed when someone asks you, or when people don't understand. 
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah. I hate explaining what's wrong and then people act like it shouldn't be a big deal or something like that :/
Reply
:iconask-apple-bloom:
Ask-Apple-Bloom Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student General Artist
My principal is 'scared for me' because she thinks I cut myself and such because I'm depressed, and asks me what's wrong. In my mind I'm saying: "EVERYTHING. YOU CAN'T HELP ME, THOUGH. NO ONE CAN!"


But i just say to her , "I'm fine."
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist

Well they're scared because they don't understand, but then again it's hard to get them to understand so that's why we don't tell anyone what we really feel.

 

I know how you feel girly :heart:

Reply
:iconask-apple-bloom:
Ask-Apple-Bloom Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student General Artist
It is hard to describe it.. I block it by drawing random things..




I'm glad you do. :iconsweethugplz:
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:heart: Just stay strong and know that there are people who have a small idea of what you may be going through :3 :iconbunnehglompplz:
Reply
:icondizzybeyor:
dizzybeyor Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'll write a critique later when I have more time. But I had to say this is exactly how I feel about one of my friends...I wish she'd just let me help more :/

Beautiful, brought tears to my eyes. :heart:
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yes I know how that feels :heart:

Just try and stay strong and persistent ^u^
Reply
:icondizzybeyor:
dizzybeyor Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, she's getting help now though. So maybe it'll all turn out alright ^_^
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aw well that's good :D
Reply
:icondizzybeyor:
dizzybeyor Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah ^_^ I miss her though
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aww :heart:
Reply
:iconroguewolfe:
RogueWolfe Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Absolutely beautiful, this reminds me of someone who I thought would hold the sword for me. And they did, for a while...anyways, great poetry ;)
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awww thank you so much ;w;
Reply
:iconherbiebirdie007:
herbiebirdie007 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This honestly made me feel like I wanted to cry, and which is saying a lot because I never cry at anything in literature. I love this poem. :)
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you so much, I'm really glad that it touched you :heart:
Reply
:iconcoldblackraven:
ColdBlackRaven Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
With the simple words and rhyming of the poem, you reach out to so many people. This is so relateable I can't tell. And I agree with your description. It brought tears in my eyes, that's how much I agree with you :happycry: you've done a great job :hug:
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:heart: I'm so glad that you like it ;__; Thank you so much for your kind words :)
Reply
:iconcoldblackraven:
ColdBlackRaven Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you're very welcome :aww:
Reply
:iconbirdgvee:
BirdGVee Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Student General Artist
Very beautiful.
At the first 4 verses I felt a bit reminded of myself. I used to feel that way when I was about 13+ and were bullyed in school (for years.)

I still feel left out often today...or more like... that I'm in some way (or every way?) different from the others. Thus I just wanna be nice to everyone. ._.
*sigh* just wished there was someone for ME with a sword in the hand ;)
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awww I'm glad that it means something to you then :heart: And I'm always around if you need a friend :)
Reply
:iconbirdgvee:
BirdGVee Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student General Artist
That's nice, thank you ^_^
Reply
:iconvondiezyl:
VonDiezyl Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:heart: You're more than welcome
Reply
:iconnarcaholic:
Narcaholic Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Student
What a beautiful poem :heart:
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